It’s been a while and I contemplated doing this post for a couple of weeks. However, this may help someone along the way or at least if anyone who feels the way I felt is not alone.
A lot has transpired last month. My mother started her rounds of chemo. I had to leave my job to care for her. Wanted to start the next chapter of my life but hey 💩 happens. It’s rough when it happens in layers and then you turn around and it’s tons of it and your physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I already had a trip planned to Cabo San Lucas last year and was going to cancel but my mother fussed and still wanted me to go. I was okay with leaving once my Aunt was coming in from Out of town and be there during my absence. So I’m surrounding by sun, breeze, beach, drinks and my mind is back home and what I had to deal with when I got back. Relatives of mine was asking me certain questions during breakfast one morning on vacation, I expressed that I’m comparing this time in my life as if I’m falling of a cliff. I’ve been here before but this time it’s different. Before I hit a plateau of part of a landing and I may be bruised but able to move from it. This time I felt that I’m about to hit flat bottom and splatter and I was bothered by it. I was asked why. My answer it that I’ve took hits before and sometimes you get tired of taking hits. Sometimes, I just want to coast and even elevate (fly). I would use IG as a way of inspiration. During this time I was scrolling and I was still happy for those who are excelling and living amazing lives and wondering WTF was I doing or not doing to get what I deem I work for and even strive to be. I’m usually proactive and resourceful. This time I was tired, stressed,overweight, and others can tell the difference. I was a proactive and attentive caretaker, yet I neglected myself tremendously.
Then I was proposed with a thought that maybe I should take that spat. I was thinking, “Umm are you crazy? You want me to take that hit? You tripping 😒.” What they implied that this can be the breakthrough needed to get to that great place. That some of the greats took hits and even hard falls that led them to who they are today. That day I sat poolside looking at the arch in the ocean and decided to embrace the fall. To take the spat. Whatever comes from it will be by minute, hour and day. I live to take another step. To move forward. Sometimes beauty includes inner beauty for what is inward, reflects outward eventually.
Photo: Poolside at RIU Santa Fe
If you are feeling this way it can make you anxious. I get it. It’s not easy and it takes mental work and faith. Through it all be grateful and seek understanding. If you don’t have understanding at the moment, just say thank you that you have another opportunity live for that is a beautiful gift in itself. So cheers to the fall and the healing of getting back up.